Cautious

Empty inside the quiet Subway

Upturned chairs over the tables,

Both of us masked, she’s gloved as well

I chatter my order of a footlong with

turkey breast all toasted and covered

with choice of veggies slathered with a light

Mayo and spicy mustard with hot jalapeno pickle.

She hasn’t said a word, her hands are quick

I start to wonder and then she says suddenly

as if in answer to my thoughts,” I try not to speak”.

I sense her caution just as she senses my wonder.

Covid19 has made us better sensors of each other.

She served me sustenance today

Am  prayerful for her gracious succour.

Grieving during Quarantine

Swapna di passed away. She didn’t succumb to the virus but her passage during the quarantine was even more poignant because so many were constrained from attending her funeral services. Some like me were daunted by the state of New Jersey’s mandatory social distancing guidelines and the curfew in the evening. So we condoled and mourned electronically. This is the new norm until this pandemic passes. And yet in the midst of all this fear and anxiety, Pronoy da’s calm equanimity is a lesson for me.

The Romans taught us stoicism, but even before that the Vedic rishis exemplified the concept of Sthitadhi. Lord Krishna  guided Arjuna to adopt this mindscape in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. But in the face of adversity, loss and personal grief, it is so easy to fall from this ideal. You are only human and so you give in to the human weaknesses. So when someone defies human frailty and elevates himself above the normal human emotions despite the load of sadness and sorrow, he is someone we look up to and emulate.

Even after losing the love of his partner for the last five decades or more, and  having seen her combat physical trauma, Pronoy da can still think of a beautiful love song “Pronoy tomar michhe noy.” How uplifting is that, you wonder. The soul is steeped in love for humanity at a level way beyond personal loss: altruistic and benign. Pronoy da has so much to give and teach us yet. A wise soul is a privilege for us to have around. We are grateful to you.

We all have our personal battles with sickness and sorrow at different points in our lives. But it’s how we face them is what decides the outcome. Pronoy da has continued to amaze me with his resilience and true grit while fighting his own battles. This has motivated me to face my own personal challenges without complaining much. Acceptance is an immensely helpful tool. It enables you to be humble and open, amplifying your mind rather than constricting it. In that state of being we end up helping ourselves and more importantly helping others. That is a very liberating feeling. It is up to us how we nurture this one life of ours to beautify and sublimate it and that of  many others.

The Ashes

He had been waiting  for the phone call from the hospital. Why hadn’t they called in the last three days? They had promised they would. It wasn’t right at all, but he didn’t know what else to do other than wait.

Last time he called them they promised to get back . They hadn’t of course. These days of waiting had drained his sap away. Just an honest answer from them would be enough. He wasn’t that soft in the head not to understand this delay tactic.

But no one these days tells you the truth anymore, especially if it hurts. Not even Mom. He was always trying to protect her but it was lost on her. The last five days she was running a low grade fever with an ever so slight a cough, almost like her normal springtime allergies, and yet she was fantasizing about a Scandinavian calming of senses. She wanted to wrap herself in gray and white and surround herself with a Swedish vibe to be oblivious of the dire predictions on TV. She was in denial, he knew. But the spa was closed of course. The Covid19 onslaught, the deaths, the waiting for the PPE’s for the life givers and ventilators for the critically ill, and the hope of those wanting to come back home was a whole new reality.

But he knew she couldn’t possibly block out the electronic and online noise about man’s most recent combat against a lethal  invisible enemy despite his urging to shut out the blasts. Maybe he was the one needing  a buffer to distance reality. Until now she had always shielded him from everything , now it was his turn to do the same to his mom. He was trying his best.

He was a caged bird knowing only the confines of the walled-in existence could be helpful for her. Most people his age had never heard the word quarantine mentioned. Hanging out at the smoke bar was a story out of the pages of a history book now. He had to give Mom a chance. He hadn’t given one to his grandpa. He would live the rest of his life with the cruel reminder of sunbathing on the beaches and pub hopping while carrying nothing but an infinitesimal virus to pass on to his favorite human being on the planet: his Dada. Life comes too loaded at times.

They were quarantined: isolated, insulated in their own island. Waiting it out. And then would they be allowed? With every single day he felt stripped of the least dignity that an inevitable  end of life situation signified for family members wanting to perform the  mourning  rituals to say goodbye to a loved one. The soul’s journey to another life was lonely, but so was theirs in secluded mourning, sequestered for what seemed an eternity.

For the millionth time, he wished he hadn’t sneaked in Dada’s favorite Marlboro to the nursing home. He knew Dada had emphysema and smoking was the hugest no-no. But then even lonely old people need treats sometimes to cheer them up in their isolation. And he himself couldn’t have felt better. Just back from his spring break on the Miami beach, he wanted to make grandpa feel special as well. Who’d have known?

The telephone was ringing.

“ It was the funeral home Mom, not the hospital.”

“Did they promise to keep the ashes for us until whenever?”

“Yeah they’ll hold on to the urn.”

“ We will give him a decent farewell Dev and drown the ashes in the holy river someday, right?”

Someday, that would be his atonement. Yes, someday he would also confess to her.

Front lines Redefined

The front lines have shifted from the borders

of Mexico and Canada to

right within, beside and around us everywhere.

Ammunitions missing, buffers missing

Yet the combat is on.

Courage and sacrifice the shields to

fight the invisible, the lethal, the ruthless.

Hercules killed the Nemean with bare hands

Our soldiers unarmed in the cage are

engaged in their labor of love

Bringing healing reminding us of the

Amazing Grace upon them.

Come and Go

Leaders come and go

Governments rule and misrule

Pundits caution and catalyze

But viruses attack and leave

a residue of all consuming fear,

paying no heed to borders or color,

race nor religion, language or status.

That’s its upside though,

coz no one talks of terror now

or all other inanities.

It’s way too terrifying, too overpowering,

We break apart, we break down.

Hunkering down in our own shelters

unified we ponder those on the precipice

may not make it. We are prayerful.

Since millennia the timeline

of humanity traces disruptions

again and again and again.

We survive these glitches,

resilience works and the tough endure,

History’s recorded anew for those who follow.

Awesome isn’t it,? But true!

We build again, join once more

Humanity heals and breathes again.

Attitude of Gratitude

My heart is overflowing right this moment:

No surprise there is food still on

the shelves and meds as well.

Tired faces sleepless so gracious

whispering kindness removed from

the chatter of those powerful but indecisive, misdirected.

No surprise magically the garbage removed,

my heart bursts with a million thanks and

I stand  both my thumbs up for the

Waste Management truck plodding.

The mail woman even smiles at me from

 forever away, gloved hands pushing

 people’s mail into the mailbox.

Miraculously my car gets a gas refill

and the masked attendant wishes me

best of health! Really?

Aren’t you more exposed than me

being in the woods while I’m home alone?

The faucet still gushes with running water

and am humbled when I turn on the heat and light

coz the energy workers have our backs.

Amazing that the phone works and

the media anchors keep us rooted, grounded

 in a functioning democracy.

The man in uniform at the intersection

nudges me as I return from the CVS realizing

it’s curfew already. Am still getting used to a new reality.

but Law Enforcement is at work thank God!

Masked(?), gowned(?) gloved(?) hopefully

our very own Gods saving humanity

sacrifice incarnate!

We are in it together, and we will get there,

In the meantime-

I want to hug each of them

from miles away and say

Thank you for caring for us all.

But feel no thanks is  enough.